Absurd World News

There are hundreds of horrors that greet us everyday in the office.  From sneezing babies, to prehistoric insects, you just…

January 15, 2009 A Greenbay Wisconsin woman returned home friday afternoon to find a creature defiling her living room carpet.

Due to recessionary concerns, the Kellogg Company has asked it’s Kellogg’s ® division to recycle some of their old cereal…

Votes are lost to the darkness

A 22 year old woman came home late one night and her 50 year old drunk neighbor who was sitting…

MEDFORD, WISCONSIN – An area boy told local authorities he was able to fend off a werewolf attack Friday night…

Check it out people! The Wrestler from Fox Searchlight Pictures opened in theaters this week. Charlize Theron has reprised her…

The above photo was recently taken at the fine go-go bar 'Tittilations' in scenic Bloomfield, NJ.  This convenient stench dispenser…

It’s a battle to the death between two alien 80’s tv show icons. Peaceful Mork from Ork or the vicious…

Thin droopy eyebrows got you down?  Poorly defined bushy brows?  All that’s in the past.  It’s 2009 now, a new…

in 2009 ARIES: Everyone hates the boss at some time or another, but they can usually get by without call…

ARIES: Don’t count on getting shit for Christmas, Santa has had it with you. You know, you have been pretty…

1962 - a time of innocence. Americans were obsessed with the future and all the wonders it would bring. It…

BEAVERTON, Ore. (Dec. 21, 2008) – NIKE, Inc. (NYSE: NKE) today announced that they are expecting profits in the 1st…

In the spirit of Christmas, EMToast.com is proud to present you with the opportunity to fill in the blanks of…

Byram, NJ. Recent renovations of a section of Route 80 westbound have uncovered the remains of what archeologists believe to…

A friend of a friend of EMToast.com co-created and starred in this short film about those who wear mustaches and…

ARIES- The less you say the more intelligent people will think you are, well the less chances you have you…

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47 year old man was married to his 40 year old wife for almost 20 years and they have a…

24 Year old horny young man went up to the roof of his building one night trying to peak at…

I wrote this tirade on this game tape a few months back and it was just lingering in Word Press…

A 42 yr old truck driver and 40 a year old nurse have been married for 12 years and the…

A 67 year old grandmother was having an affair with a 71 year old man. One morning she called him…

Group Hepsi, commonly known as Hepsi, is a famous Turkish pop/R&B girl group. Hepatitis C (aka Hep C) is a…

Aries: Your life has become as complicated as a Marble Madness diagram. The planetary alignment of Pluto and Uranus is…

Subject: Dr. Light. Esteemed roboticist Dr. Thomas Light has long been under saucy scrutiny for his near obsessive creations of…

If you were a kid in the 70’s or 80’s living in the NJ/NY area, you know the true meaning…

A 53 year old truck driver ran out of gas on the highway. He parked the truck on the shoulder…

A man suspected someone broke into his house and called the police. The police showed up and searched the whole…

photo credit: eye of einstein Coming up with an appropriate blessing for your Thanksgiving day feast can be difficult. This…

ARIES- The alignment of the planets suggests you might be thinking of making your crush a token of affection from…

Two girls were sitting outside chatting.  This guy walked funny passing them and they didn't think too much of it. …

With building security tightening nationwide, gun enthusiasts and criminals alike have found a novel way around pat downs and metal…

ARIES: This is your week to shine dear Aries. Put people in their places and let them know who is…

Study the little creep's face on the carton and see if you can find him before he finds you where…

Go check out Toe Fu's interview with chiptune artist 8-Bit Weapon over at the-minusworld.com Plug In, Turn On, Blip Out:…

Talbot County MD: Hundreds of witnesses have reported an army of subterranean creatures rising from the Chesapeake Bay. Green glowing…

Street Fighter Tribute I've had alot of obsessions in my day. Comics, records, pizza, mid 90's porn, rare sneakers (worst…

Capricorn- Remember it is better to kick someone in the back than to punch him or her in the face.

Find him before he finds you! Where's Creepy? Dare to find out. Study the missing creep on the milk carton…

Intercourse,PA October 15, 2008 Fritz Jacobs,owner of Jacob’s Country Market, made a puzzling discovery after investigating complaints from customers that…

Aries You should get out this week and mingle. You will ring the Eskimo to meet you at the station;…

"That's Some Good Boob Cake!" October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, today October 10th is National Boob Cake Day. Make…

Courting rituals in Nigeria are so progressive. In the USA, you can barely get away with saying hi to a…

This Madlib is based on an excerpt from Shakespeare's Hamlet. Let's make The Bard proud and modernize this Olde English…