Absurd World News

Crooked P.I.s Blackmail & Threaten to Spoon Out Client’s Eyes
A divorced woman got dumped by her new boyfriend after 6 months for no reason . She was suspicious that…
Massage Parlor Whore Swallows Used Condom to Evade Police
A 31 year old male student found out that a certain Massage Center provides Full Services, so he bought a…
Band of Zombie Gorillas Discovered In Congo
A band of zombie gorillas has been discovered in the African Congo. Piles of dead Gorillas are left everywhere by…
Tiny Anchorman to Replace CBS NEWS Katie Couric
Dissatisfied with the poor performance of Katie Couric, Sean McManus, president of CBS News and Don Hewitt, CBS news executive…

Russian Scientist's Family Adopts Tunguska Creature
Professor Chekaren Suslov has unofficially adopted the creature he is credited with discovering while on an expedition in in the…

Strange Creature Discovered in Tunguska Wasteland
Lake Cheko- Scientists have discovered an previously unknown species in the center of the Tunguska Region. This strange discovery comes…

Fetal Dental Deformity to Blame for Potential Recall of Chiclets Tooth Enhancing Gum
A recall may be in the future for Cadbury Adams Tooth Enhancing Gum. The FDA has forced the company to…
Creature Racing Voted Greatest Video Game Video of All Time
By me. This is one of those videos that you just keep coming back to year after year after year.
Black Swan Love Triangle Results In Babies
Two black swans were donated to Wooleng Park, in Taiwan back in 2002. The two swans were very close and…

Grabbing Female Student’s Ass And Chest “No Big Deal”
A still single 50 year old man was sitting in the first row by the door on a bus on…
12 Baby Boars Follow Owner for 13 Mile Ride
Mr. Lee has loved animals all his life and has had many pets. He started keeping wild boars a few…

Incredible Hulk Madlibs for Puny Humans
Using the definitions provided, and your inner rampaging jade giant , fill out the boxes below with the correct type…
“Dead Rabbit” Dr. Denys Committing Innocent Girl
A Denver woman who believed her daughter to be suffering from bi-polar disorder attempted to have her committed to St.
Whiny Guy Handcuffed to Ex-Wife and Beaten
Just because your crackhead ex-wife handcuffs herself to you, that doesn't give you an excuse to be a baby. Feed…
5 Mistresses Compete To Keep Lover, Reduce Costs
Due to the economy and wanting to save his cost of keeping 5 mistress, an entrepreneur in China asked his…
J-Lo Shits Her Pants
J-Lo has no shame for her shit stain. Looks uncomfortable. See how she’s grabbing at those shit packed pants. Gross.
Semen Throwing Man Impregnates Victims
One night on the train home with her friends, a woman’s friends pointed out to her that she's had some…
“Blood Dump” Most Offensive Term, Period
Results of a 2008 patient care survey taken at NY/ NJ/ PA hospitals have found the most offensive term Health…
Iphone Pervert Photographs Victims While Showering
While showering at the gym, a 35 year old man suspected there was a peeping tom in the next shower…

Scientists Discover Chocolate and Vanilla are the Only Two Flavors
Children have known for decades that there is something special about the chocolate / vanilla combination. Ever increasing consumption of…
911 They Got My Nuggets
This has been floating around everywhere for the past couple days. It's another one the gf keeps telling me about…
McDonalds Finally Breaks Free From I'm Lovin' It
Congratulations to McDonald's for finally doing a commercial other than that damn I'm loving it bullshit. I'm not sure if…
Paris Hilton’s Former Pet Monkey Arrested
Boston, MA—Baby Luv, former designer pet to socialite Paris Hilton was arrested earlier this month in connection with the brutal…
Giantess Fetish 2009's Top Trend
All you foot freaks who come to this site all the time looking for stinky feet, we've got news for…

Horrorscopes for the Week of February 22nd
ARIES--you are going to encounter the corpse of GG Allin in a Starbucks on Wednesday. He is going to hold…

Werewolves: the Original UnAmerican
Werewolves have been the greatest threat to national security since the early part of the 19th century. Lincoln was at…
Anybody Votes! Where Did Nicolas Cage’s Sideburns Go?
Voting data is gone :(

Perfect Nails Made Easy: 8 Feet in 8 Weeks
The luxurious life of the privileged is at your fingertips and toetips in just 8 short weeks. The revolutionary new…
Wet Brain: Zombie Infection Linked to Alcoholism
PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI – Research at the University of Haiti College of Medicine has uncovered strong evidence linking Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome or…
Husband Flashes Wife's Clients, Threateningly Sharpens Knife
Married for almost 30 years, the husband never held a steady job and always asked his wife for money. One…
Controversial 90's Artwork Found on Aboriginal Cave Wall
The discovery of cave paintings of the controversial late 90’s art icon known only as It Come in the aboriginal…
Cheating Husband and Mistress Condemned by Wet Napkin
A woman who was suspicious of her husband having an affair hired a private investigator to install a GPS with…

Inspirational Madlibs: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Using the definitions provided, and your inner spirit guide, fill out the boxes below with the correct type of word.
Miracle Gum Grows New Teeth
Chiclets, the candy coated gum once widely available in the US is set to make a comeback after many years…

Horrorscopes for the Week of January 25th, 2009
Aries-On Thursday you will be dreaming about a werewolf plane being made love to by a screaming plane and then …
Anybody Votes! Office Horrors: Creepy Vs Werewolf
There are hundreds of horrors that greet us everyday in the office. From sneezing babies, to prehistoric insects, you just…

Werewolf Sighting: Ass Dragging Werewolf Ruins Carpet
January 15, 2009 A Greenbay Wisconsin woman returned home friday afternoon to find a creature defiling her living room carpet.
Kellogg Layoff Result: Corn Pops Rebranded Gold Tooth Crunch
Due to recessionary concerns, the Kellogg Company has asked it’s Kellogg’s ® division to recycle some of their old cereal…
Anybody Votes! What Greets You When You Die?
Votes are lost to the darkness
Old Man Pulls Up Womans Skirt, Gets Blown - to the Head
A 22 year old woman came home late one night and her 50 year old drunk neighbor who was sitting…
Werewolf Sighting: Boy Poisons Creature with Antifreeze
MEDFORD, WISCONSIN – An area boy told local authorities he was able to fend off a werewolf attack Friday night…

In Theaters This Week: The Wrestler: Feel Good Movie of the Year
Check it out people! The Wrestler from Fox Searchlight Pictures opened in theaters this week. Charlize Theron has reprised her…

Strip Club Scents: Life at a Glimpse.
The above photo was recently taken at the fine go-go bar 'Tittilations' in scenic Bloomfield, NJ. This convenient stench dispenser…
Anybody Votes! 80's Alien Fight: Mork vs Alf
It’s a battle to the death between two alien 80’s tv show icons. Peaceful Mork from Ork or the vicious…
Instant Beauty: Eyebrows the Only Item You Need
Thin droopy eyebrows got you down? Poorly defined bushy brows? All that’s in the past. It’s 2009 now, a new…
