EMToast Staff

The time. 1993. The place. A dept store receiving dock. The characters. Mr. Piff, the Operations Manager. Don, the LTL…

On the sixth day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Six Amy Winehouse Five Jason Priestleys Four Taylor Swifts…

Photo by xlibber Doctors should know that prescribing certain blood pressure pills to overweight patients with excessive body body hair…

On the fifth day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Five Jason Priestleys Four Taylor Swifts Three Osama Bin…

Photo By Walmart Corporate Each day at 3:30, the warehouse receiver sat at the gray metal desk to calculate the…

On the fourth day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Four Taylor Swifts Three Osama Bin Ladens Two Khloe…

On the third day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Three Osama Bin Ladens Two Khloe Kardashians and a…

On the second day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Two Khloe Kardashians and a Kelly Osbourne with red…

On the first day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: A Kelly Osbourne with red cheeks

Photo by WarmSleepy TIME has announced their Word of the Year and it’s one most of us have never heard…

Hope stands alone.  Immune to the contagious facial Impetago that has decimated her family this holiday season. No less than…

Frank9 pet us please!

Tambako the Jaguar Step 1: Eat the dry twig. (Put a dry twig between your teeth and chew a dry…

Gudlyf Step 1: Eat the fresh fig. (Put a fresh fig between your teeth and chew a fresh fig) Congratulations…

A: I left my phone at home. Don't be sad if I don't answer your texts until later. B: I…

Floss is good. You not a scumbag otherwise you can live in town with no teeth.

Billy Wizard told me some women should be wearing lysol for perfoom it will help theyr job

there are no white teeth on pretty girls unless they bleach them to be in the pornose movies Billy Wizard…

Brought to you by, your friends at the National Hamburger Council of Panama & BurgersForTheSight.org Please detach and keep within…

Top Bun: For upper lid firmness to protect your eye from sharp objects. Lettuce: For whiter eyes Tomatoes: For round…

Today a eagle is born the most powerful the merkin nagel. Billy likes it best of off the kinds

Fritzy write in you journal. You can not make me wright a journal entry today if I do not have…

The big story in the news today is that one third of American's are in debt and have debt collectors…

Today it rain. I did not say dry and Billy Wizard said to me stop shivering like a shitting dog.

today I went to my friends hause his name is yehuda weiner his ma gave us dry bad cookies like…

Pep’s Confusion Filter was printed in fancy blue letters across the side of the bottle. The men were drinking it…

Are you sure that's a good place to hide the body?

Even though he wouldn’t eat the candy, in the end they still made him into a sugar skull.

When I die, I hope to be reborn as a 1989 Toyota Tercel.  Rusted and dependable, but unwanted.

The social networking giant will begin rolling out an advanced friend rating system on Friday. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerburg announced…

It’d be wild. But she's a bitch just like her mother.

There is no such thing as grape ice cream. The reason? It has a lot to do with dogs, girls,…

200 years ago people lived in caves and wore animal skins and cleaned chimneys with the bones of small children…

If you pass out in your sleep, you’ll never wake up again. Homage to “It come to sleep on your…

The boy carelessly lost the small rubber Godzilla figure from the car at an interstate rest stop. “Mom! Stop! My…

When the Robot King decrees, “Exfoliate them. All of them!” the sponge bots obey. Since they are sponge bots not…

Apples of your cheeks should be called tomatoes of your cheeks because when you punch them they split open like…

T.S. Eliot wrote “Humankind cannot bear very much reality.”  Four out of five people are obsessed with dead bears and…

Dear Mom and Dad, As you know, I moved far away. The town I live in now doesn’t have duck…

Mt: Why don't they call wild boars vampire pigs? Ft: Yeah that's what they are. They have long fangs just…

Now with even more sugar! Goes great on waffles, pancakes, or guzzled straight from the bottle. Plastic shot glass included…

In 1994 or 1995 the patient had become a security guard at the local community college. The job was to…

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I am very dumb, and very serious.  That is a dangerous type of person.